What Keeps People Stuck in Life and Leadership? Part 2
In our last blog we dug into the reality of getting stuck in life and leadership and the 3 bitter pills of getting unstuck. In Part 2, we’ll begin to tackle the 10 weights that hold people down below their potential and how to throw them off.
One of my favorite scriptures in all the Bible is,
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us throw off every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1-2).
You see, sometimes it's not sin, evil, or the darker things in life keeping us stuck; it's weight that's holding us down.Here the author of Hebrews is using the metaphor of running a race. Imagine trying to run a marathon or even a 5k with a 50 lb weight vest on you. There is no chance you’ll compete at the same level as you would without the extra weight.
Carrying Extra Weight in Life
I recently did my first ruck (a hike with a weighted vest or backpack on). Over the past year, I've been focused on my health and fitness and I’ve lost about 30 lbs, so I decided to wear 30 lbs for my ruck. I was shocked at how hard the walk was! And even more shocked at the idea that I had been walking around with an extra 30 lbs on my body every day for the past few years!
No wonder my health had been suffering, and no wonder my performance at the gym has skyrocketed in the past year with all that weight off of me! If we want to get unstuck and run the best race in life we can, we have to throw off the weights that are slowing us down and holding us back, keeping us stuck in survival mode.
The #1 Weight That Holds People Back
It's beyond the scope of a single blog to go after all 10 weights that hold us down; that could be a book in and of itself. So my purpose is to outline what I believe to be the #1 weight that holds us down.
I believe the #1 weight keeping people stuck is fear. Fear is the mind killer. It is a thief, and it is one of the primary tools of the enemy to rob us of all that God has in store for our one precious life. Fear is the number one reason people feel stuck in life and can’t move forward.
4 Major Fears That Keep People Stuck
1. Fear of Loss
Fear of loss is perhaps the most legitimate fear. The reality of loss is inevitable in life. In a crazy world, we desire psychological safety, normalcy, and steadiness.
If you’ve ever worked in a company that is downsizing or had a loved one receive a diagnosis that changed everything, you understand the fear of loss. If you’ve ever lost a loved one you know the power of loss in your life, and it's something no one desires to experience.
Fear of loss is often much more powerful than the desire to gain. The fear of losing stability, safety, or the life you know keeps people stuck in place, which leads to the next fear…
2. Fear of Change
In my humble opinion, fear of change is a close second among top fears. Change makes people go batshit crazy. That survival instinct and that desire for safety in us all will keep people stuck in dysfunctional, toxic, and even abusive situations because it's what they know and what is normal to them.
It is extraordinary how we will choose the known over the unknown, even if it's awful. No change = stuck.
You may be stuck because you are afraid to change. Change = uncertainty, and for many it feels like leaving their comfort zone.
3. Fear of Work
In my work as a fitness coach, a pastor, and a coach and consultant, I often talk to people about their goals, ambitions, and strategies for achievement.
I usually start by getting people to dream big and to believe for what seems impossible. Then I get real about going after it, and often things come to a screeching halt when people realize the amount of work and commitment it will take to get there. For some, the thought of the grind, or fear of burning out, stops them before they even start.
Too few take the time to seriously count the cost and get honest about whether the juice is worth the squeeze. And so the fear of work keeps them at bay.
4. Fear of Failure
Fear of failure is perhaps one of the most insidious fears. It often disguises itself as procrastination, self-sabotage, vague goals, settling, low self-esteem/low self-confidence, lack of accountability, and even anxiety attacks.
For many, the fear of embarrassment or looking like a failure in front of others is paralyzing. Because we are such intensely social creatures, many of us can't bear the thought of being viewed as a failure by our social circles.
In other words, we will stay on the bench instead of in the game of life, because it feels safer than going out on a limb and having it break on us.
The ironic thing is that failure is absolutely a requirement for any level of success or mastery in life.
How to Defeat Fear in Life and Leadership
There are 2 ways to defeat fears in your life. They are both simple but hard to do:
Face your fears.
Take courage.
Facing Your Fears
You do not solve your fears by avoiding them; this only gives them strength. We have to face our fears.
Modern psychology proves what the Bible most often commands: Do not be afraid. In one way or another the scripture commands us not to fear over 360 times—once for nearly every day of the year.
Exposure therapy, a key practice in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), mirrors this biblical truth. By slowly and deliberately exposing ourselves to what we fear, it begins to lose power as we grow new skills and resilience. Learning how to overcome fear is the first step to stop living stuck.
One of the most practical ways to face fears is by using a practice popularized by Tim Ferriss called Fear-Setting. Like goal-setting, you research, analyze, and define your actions—but in this case around fear, not ambition.
Step 1: Define the Fear. Spell it out. What does your worst nightmare look like?
Step 2: Prevent the Fear. What could you do to safeguard yourself?
Step 3: Repair the Fear. What could you do to recover if the worst happened?
Exercises like Fear-Setting help you confront anxiety and stop letting fear control your life.
As they say, the devil loves to play in the dark. Like sin, fear loses its power when we bring it into the light of day.
Why Courage Is the Bridge Between Fear and Faith
If the scriptures so clearly exhort us to be courageous and not afraid, how do we do it?
I’ve heard it said that the opposite of faith isn't doubt, it's fear. Because faith spurs action while fear tries to paralyze us. So how can we have faith when we are afraid? The bridge is courage.
Courage feels the fear and acts anyway. I believe courage and faith are siblings—maybe even two sides of the same coin.
Courage is the bridge that builds confidence and helps you step out in faith even when you’re afraid.
In my experience, both faith and courage are like muscles. They have to be exercised and challenged regularly to grow. By exercising the courage muscle, it will grow greater than the fears you face.
What is a small thing you usually shrink back from? Speaking up at work? Having an honest conversation with your spouse? Addressing conflict with an in-law or boss?
Though many of us do not have to run into a firefight or a burning building, we all have things we’d rather shy away from that demand we cultivate the virtue of courage in our character.
Final Encouragement
What is it for you? Where is fear holding you back? What big dream are you not even giving a chance? And what small step can you take today to face that fear and take courage?
If you’re feeling stuck, don’t know where to start, but are ready to begin the journey towards courage and overcoming, reach out and let’s see how I can help.
I believe in you. Have faith.
With love and respect,
Joshua